Often times, the ones we love most
hurt us the most. This is because we love them so immensely that we care about
and take an interest in every little thing they do. Every word they say, every
action they take, affects us in ways they could never imagine. They might not
realize it, but they have a huge impact on what we go through every day, on the
emotions that stir inside of us. They
have the power to send us to the darkest depths of distress, or to the highest
peaks of joy.
A small smile they give us might
light our hearts with shimmers of happiness. A simple "hello" might
paint our souls with colors of glee. A mere like on Facebook. A request to
follow on Instagram. A text message. A call. Anything that shows us they are
thinking about us. These little things they do may seem trivial to them but are
very significant to us.
But the opposite is also true.
Neglect on their part could fill our hearts with misery. A hurtful word they
utter could drown us in sorrow. This tends to be unintentional, but perhaps
that is precisely what makes it so painful; the fact that they are not aware just
how much they are hurting us.
When someone deliberately hurts us,
we at least have someone to direct our anger and resentment towards. We know
that they are the cause of our pain, and we feel as if we have the right to
despise them, if it somehow lessens our anguish (personally it never makes me
feel better to hate people).
But when someone does not mean to
hurt us, it becomes more complicated. We know that they are the root of our
suffering, yet we cannot hold them responsible. We cannot bring ourselves to
feel any hatred towards them (especially when it is someone we love so dearly),
because we know our agony is not really their fault.
We become so frustrated with
ourselves, for our inability to put the blame on a specific person, and for
putting ourselves in a position where we are liable to get hurt in the first
place. We end up shifting the blame onto ourselves instead, and directing all
our negative emotions towards ourselves, leading to self-loathing.
