Haven in Heaven

Since a young age, I’ve had a feeling that I didn’t belong in this world. Something about this mundane reality just didn’t appeal to me. I couldn’t understand humans, mainly adults, and their dull, stressful lives and materialistic desires. I couldn’t grasp why people chase after meaningless wants like money and prestige and are even willing to harm others for the sake of attaining them. For that reason, I decided early on that I didn’t want to grow up and become a part of this superficial culture of adults. I decided that I preferred living in the jolly, carefree realm of childhood forever. Therefore, I became determined to not allow myself to transform into one of those greedy, impulse-driven creatures. Of course, maturation is inevitable, but I have indeed retained my childish, happy-go-lucky side, and I continue to perceive most adults as foreign and incomprehensible. Wealth, fame, romance, sex, alcohol, drugs, partying, and other worthless inclinations that most people spend a good portion of their lives seeking the pleasure of never have and never will interest me in the least bit. These shallow cravings provide me with no joy whatsoever. Even social life, with all its energy-draining drama, senseless gossiping, hours upon hours wasted on useless conversations and idle chatter, and gatherings that revolve around overspending and stuffing oneself with unhealthy junk, doesn’t satisfy me. I am far, far deeper than that.

I have always believed that out there must exist something grander for eccentric folks like me. There must be more to this universe than hollow lives led by short-term whims and wishes. Somewhere, there ought to be a place with greater profoundness, meaning, and splendor— an extraordinary world beyond this ordinary one. My heart has always sought a much more fascinating and enchanted domain. Thus I constantly hunted for exceptional stories of adventure and thrill and tales of unique, remarkable characters that touched my heart and stirred my emotions in awe-inspiring ways. I repeatedly indulged myself in other universes to escape this dreary reality. Most of my life was spent immersed in incredible worlds of fiction through books, anime, movies, and my own written narratives, in which I could find the enthralling, magical lands I longed for. Not to mention that I have always found the natural environment and animals far more tranquil and contenting than the obnoxious society of humans. Fiction and nature are two of the rare things on this Earth that give me true gratification and delight.

Lately, I’ve been pondering why God chose to shape my personality in this way, and I reckon that I finally have an answer. The realm my heart has been searching and yearning for all along is none other than Jannah (Paradise), a sanctuary that God promised encompasses unfathomable wonders beyond human imagination and where absolute elation and true peace exist. It strikes me as a merge between the beauty of the natural world and the fantasy of the anime world (except infinitely more astonishing and marvelous)— the perfect place for me. God gave me an innate desire for Jannah, and this is the greatest blessing. I couldn’t be more grateful that I’ve been mostly freed from the control of human urges and attachment to this worldly existence. I can’t imagine living an undisciplined life steered by temporary pleasures that have no ultimate significance.

I have found love in Allah and a home in Jannah. I know from the bottommost depths of my heart that this where I truly belong, hence why my soul will continuously call to it. Don’t get me wrong; I genuinely love life, as life too is a beautiful gift from God, and I have many ambitions to strive for and dreams to realize while I stride on this planet. But I have developed a sense of detachment from this Dunya, and deep inside me resides an eager anticipation for the day I depart and return to my beloved Master and His Paradise— my true eternal dwelling.